Her Weakness
by authorjazmyne
Summary: Sharon and Brenda post-break up. Sharon gets a phone call from Brenda, waking her up in the middle of the night. Inspired by 'Lips of an Angel' by Hinder. Rated M just in case.


A/N: Inspired by Hinder's song 'Lips of an Angel'

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

–

Sharon Raydor wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing, the piercing sound interrupting her from a very good dream of a beautiful blonde woman. She groans, disentangling herself from the body of the wrong blonde woman. Anastasia, the wrong blonde woman, wakes up, rolling over in the bed. Sharon smiles at her, apologizing for the phone call. Anastasia always complains about them, not being a cop, she doesn't understand, so it always leads to fights. Sharon tries to remember to turn the ringer down lower, but she always manages to forget. Sharon reaches for her cell phone as Anastasia rubs her hand down her naked back. Sharon stops her, sitting up, but Anastasia comes behind her, wrapping her arms around her, kissing the side of her neck.

"My phone is ringing," Sharon tells her, a bit annoyed that Anastasia is touching her when she clearly needs to get up. She grabs her phone and looks at the name of the caller, _BLJ_, and her heart stops for a moment. "I have to take this," she says, getting up and pressing the answer part on the screen.

Sharon doesn't say anything as she walks out of the room, going into her office, which is connected to the bedroom. "Hello," she answers in a soft voice, her mouth going dry. There's no answer, but she can hear the sound of breathing, the not-so quiet sniffle, and the way that the caller is trying to say something, but isn't. Sharon closes her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "Brenda," Sharon whispers, her voice sweet.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have called," comes her response, southern voice thick, but weak.

"No," Sharon says hastily, knowing she's about to hang up. "Brenda, don't hang up." Brenda doesn't hang up, but she doesn't say anything else. "Honey, why are you calling me so late?" Sharon asks, her voice lower than before as she looks into the bedroom, seeing Anastasia looking at her.

Brenda lets out a shaky breath against the phone and Sharon swears she can feel it against her face. "I just wanted to talk to you," Brenda tells Sharon.

Sharon gets up from her computer chair, moving to the closet in her office, grabbing one of the button down shirts she likes to keep in there for the times when she is working and doesn't feel like leaving the office. She puts the phone on her shoulder, leaning her head against it as she slides the old shirt on over her almost bare body. She doesn't say anything, she can't; she doesn't know what to. It's been months since she's spoken to the blonde outside of work, and even then it's hard. She sits on the chaise in her office, which is as far as she can get from Anastasia. She lies back, her long legs raised, her left hand absently stroking her thigh as she listens to the sound of Brenda's breathing. She closes her eyes and she can almost see the blonde in front of her, stroking her thigh the way she always did when she was getting lonely and wanted Sharon to put her work down for a few minutes. It all feels like it happened so long ago.

"Sharon, you there?" Brenda asks, her voice soft and sweet, music to Sharon's ear.

"Yes," Sharon breathes, her heart racing because hearing Brenda say her name like that is something she misses more than she likes to admit. "I'm here," she whispers.

Brenda breathes against the phone again and then Sharon can hear the sound of glass, most likely Brenda getting a bottle of that Merlot she loves so much. Sharon smiles, picturing her, most likely in her boy shorts and a tank top, pouring herself one-too-many glasses of wine. "Why are you whisperin'?" Brenda asks after the sound of the clinking glass stops.

"You know why," Sharon responds.

Brenda sighs and for a moment neither of them speak. "I miss you, Sharon," Brenda tells her softly, sniffling.

Sharon closes her eyes tightly. "Please don't tell me that," Sharon whispers.

"It's true," Brenda tells her. "I can't stop thinkin' about you," Brenda whispers. When Sharon says nothing, Brenda goes on. "Sharon, I just want to talk to you, that's all."

Sharon, eyes still closed, hand still on her thigh, licks her lips and finally she feels like she can form words to say to the blonde – which is the right blonde, the only blonde she will truly love completely. "I can't talk long," she tells her.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in my office," she responds simply.

"Hm," Brenda hums absently. "So do I get to meet her?"

"Anastasia?" Sharon asks, her eyes opening, moving to the doorway. Brenda makes a humming sound of agreement. "No," Sharon tells her surely. "Why would you want to meet her?"

"To see if you upgraded or downgraded mostly," is her honest response.

Sharon smiles. "She's beautiful," Sharon tells her, her voice coming out softer, almost sad.

"More beautiful than me?" Brenda's question is serious, which Sharon can hear easily in the tone she uses.

"No," Sharon breathes. "You're the most..." Sharon stops herself from saying what she's told Brenda so many times. She can't allow herself to say it. She thinks it all the time, but she can't say it.

"Do you miss me, Sharon?" Sharon doesn't answer. "It's only the two of us here, you can tell me if you miss me, Shar."

"More than you could imagine, honey," she whispers. Sometimes it scares her just how much she misses Brenda. After the first four months after they ended their relationship, which seems like so long ago, Sharon didn't expect to still miss the blonde. Now, almost a year after the end of their relationship, she's still thinking about her almost every day.

"Sometimes I wish you were here with me," Brenda tells her softly. "I imagine you holdin' me like you used to." Sharon and Brenda both let out shaky breaths at the same time and Brenda goes on. "At the end of a long case, I come home and it's you that I wish was here, not him. I miss the way you used to pour me a glass of wine and then draw me a bath. I miss those nights when we'd just lie in bed, looking into each other's eyes." Brenda sniffles and then laughs a sad laugh.

Sharon's heart is clenching painfully in her chest. "Honey, why do you keep crying?"

"'Cause I made a mistake," Brenda whispers weakly. "I made a mistake and it's too late to go back."

"I always told you about making decisions without thinking it through." Sharon gets up, looking out of the office, seeing Anastasia slowly drifting off again. She goes back to the chaise, sighing. "Where's your husband?" Sharon's tone is still soft, not as angry as it would have been if they were having this conversation after Brenda told her that she and Fritz were going to try to work things out again.

"In his room," Brenda responds.

"His?"

Brenda sighs and then Sharon can hear Brenda drinking her wine. "We've slept in different rooms the past few months," she explains. "I couldn't keep pretendin' anymore. He's not you," she whispers.

"Oh," Sharon says simply, slightly shocked. She slides her hand into her shirt, her hand rubbing her stomach, tracing patterns on it absently. "Well," she says slowly, "Anastasia isn't you."

"Do you ever wish she was?"

"Brenda," she says like a warning.

"Can you just answer me, Sharon? Nobody's ever going to know what you say to me now."

"I will and so will you." Brenda sighs and then Sharon closes her yes again. "Sometimes," she tells her simply, though it's not exactly the truth. She often wishes she was her, so often that she feels like she's cheating on Anastasia by simply wanting Brenda still.

"I think about you a lot," Brenda whispers sweetly.

"I know, you told me."

"I know, but I didn't tell you when. I think about you all the time, honestly. I sometimes catch myself thinkin' about you when I'm alone at night. Sometimes it's hard because the thoughts I have of you, the happy ones, they all make me feel horrible. Other times I think about other things, though. I think of the way your lips felt against mine, and the way they felt on my skin," Brenda stops when she hears Sharon's breath hitch, but then she continues. "I like to think about the way your hands felt against my body."

"Brenda," Sharon breathes weakly. She can't handle this. "You have to stop that, or I'm going to have to get off the phone."

"I'm only being honest with you."

"This is more than being honest, Brenda. You know what you're doing to me, so don't even try to deny it's not your intention."

"It wouldn't have an effect on you if you didn't miss it."

Sharon's hand slides back down to her thigh, her fingers trembling as she fights for the control over her body. "Just because I miss it, doesn't mean I should. You moved on, and I, I'm trying to do the same."

"I never moved on, not really. You've ruined me for anyone else. I could never love Fritz the way I loved you, no, the way I love you."

"Brenda, goddammit, stop it." Sharon wants so badly to hang up, but she knows she won't, she needs to hear this as much as she doesn't want to. "You made your choice, and it wasn't me, so now you have to let me go."

"I can't," Brenda tells her exasperatedly. "I can't," she repeats weakly.

"You have to," Sharon whispers, a weakness in her that only Brenda is familiar with.

"Sharon, I love you, and I'm afraid I'll never stop lovin' you."

Sharon wipes at her eye, feeling it sting with unshed tears. She doesn't say anything as she listens to Brenda's breath through her cell phone. She doesn't tell Brenda that she still loves her because that's a line she's not willing to cross. But she does, which she assumes Brenda knows. She loves Brenda so much that she's not sure she could ever love Anastasia half the amount she loves Brenda. It's all wrong, the way everything turned out between them. One day they were happy, walking on the sand at the beach, and the next day Brenda was sitting her down, telling her that she spoke to Fritz and they wanted to try to fix their marriage. Sharon always expected it, but Brenda always told her it wouldn't happen, but she doesn't blame Brenda. She blames herself for giving herself to someone completely, which is something she swore she wouldn't do after her marriage to her husband. Anastasia, sweet Anastasia, the woman who is far too young for Sharon, and not enough southern for her, she's simply a replacement. Sharon knows it's wrong, but she found Anastasia when she needed someone, and she has big brown eyes that remind her of Brenda, and she has a hint of a southern accent, and blonde hair that's not quite as blonde as Brenda's, but is close enough. Anastasia is a replacement, a carbon copy of the woman she loves.

"You still there?" Sharon asks softly.

"I'm not goin' anywhere," she responds.

"I wish that were true," Sharon admits to her in a faint whisper.

"It could be," Brenda tells her after a long pause.

Sharon shakes her head, smiling sadly. "No, it can't. This is going to be the last personal phone call I take from you, honey."

"You still call me honey," Brenda whispers, her smile heard in her voice. "This won't be the last," she tells her surely.

"For a while. We obviously aren't ready to just be friends yet. We can't have personal calls, especially like this one, not until we are able to be friends and only friends."

"I'll never be able to just be your friend," Brenda admits softly. "I often find myself wanting to reach out and touch you and this is while you hate me. Imagine what it'll be like when you stop hating me. It will be even harder for me to stop myself."

"I don't hate you," Sharon whispers.

"You do, but it's okay. I hurt you, which I hate myself for doing, so it's only understandable that you hate me. Hate's not the opposite of love, so it's okay."

"I don't hate you, honey. I tried, but I can't."

"Okay," Brenda whispers softly. "Still, a friendship between us will never just be a friendship."

Sharon sighs softly, her hand tickling her inner thigh absently. "We could try," Sharon tells her. She wants to try. She doesn't want Brenda not to be in her life.

"It wouldn't work. I'm not going to stop lovin' you, and I'm not going to stop wanting you, and I'm not going to stop letting you know it. I don't want a friendship with you, Sharon. I want so much more."

Sharon can hear Anastasia moving in the bed, mostly likely looking for her in her sleep. "Brenda, I have to go."

"I know," Brenda says sadly. "Thanks for answerin' the phone."

Sharon smiles sadly because she knows even though she said she wouldn't, she'll always answer when Brenda calls her. "Goodnight."

"Love you," Brenda says, hanging up the phone.

"I love you, too," Sharon says to herself, finally allowing herself to really cry. Brenda will always be her weakness.

The End.

Hm. What did you guys think? Totally against post-break up stuff? I hope not because I've been messing around with a bunch of songs, and finally decided today that I was going to write them. Some will have happy endings, some won't, but I have a new interest in post-break up stories. I also might do some actual break up stories. I don't know. I'll probably still post them if you guys don't like because I'm sure someone will read.

Feedback is always nice. Thanks for reading.


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